Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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