just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
