I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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