my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize