Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
