toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
