Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
