the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dicks are not precious.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
