Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
