Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
