i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
