the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
