Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
