imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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