I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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