so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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