I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
