started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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