But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
