just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
