Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
