i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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