Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
