So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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