physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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