I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
