And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
