Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
