our cab driver is having phone sex.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
