a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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