Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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