Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
