So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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