dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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