Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize