I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
