I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
