he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
