You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
