Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
