Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize