Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
