We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
