I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Floor bacon is actually really good
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