We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
