Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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