she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize