2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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