I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
