i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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