This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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