I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
