mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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