1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
