She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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