physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he fucked my hip out of place.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
