I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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