It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
