you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
