I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
