words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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