Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
