i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
