drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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