Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
