Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
