she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
