woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
