you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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